Like this:

I’m planning to turn this into a series of One-Shots involving how five College dorm mates live their chaotic everday life. =)

Title: College Mayhem: The Blackmail          Winglin URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/ikang6

Genre: comedy, friendship, non-yaoi intended

Length: one-shot series

Characters: Jaejoong, Yunho

Status: Completed

Summary: 

Jaejoong begs/pleads/bribes Yunho to help him with something in order to shake off his creepy stalker who has been hot on his trail since high school and made his love life miserable. He isn’t about to let that happen now that he’s in college. Nope. Nada. No way in earth. Now, he’s determined to get a girlfriend this time (preferrably his long-time crush who his stalker scared off).

…and when Yunho refuses to agree, Jaejoong turns to what he does best.

Blackmailing.

Oh, joy…

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Come on, Yunho! Please please please please please please please please help me!” Jaejoong half-whispered and half-yelled, shaking his clasped hands to the said person.

They were at an empty, secluded classroom at one of the University buildings, where Jaejoong had, let’s say, kidnapped Yunho who was less than happy being taken away from his dear beloved lunch in the cafeteria.

Yunho, frustrated, sighed, appalled at what his best friend was trying to convince him into doing. “Listen, Jae. You know I love you like a brother, and I know I’m irresistible. But I have to draw the line here! I won’t do it! Never! Even if you pay me a billion dollars!”

Jaejoong dropped to his knees dramatically. “Come on! It’s only just for a few hours! And for your information you’re not as ‘hot’ as you think you are! And if it’s about money, here, five bucks! Give or take!” He shoved a crumpled five dollar bill to Yunho, who just shoved it back with a dismayed frown.

“No, thanks! And why else would you choose me if you don’t think I’m hot?” Despite the aversion, Yunho couldn’t help but smirk at the self-praise.

Jaejoong had the utmost urge to gag, but he decided it’d be more helpful if he kept it to himself.

“It’s not like I have any other choice!” he flailed his arms in exasperation. “You’re the only one here! Yoochun left me hanging [that sneaky slimy stinkin' hustler! I’ll make sure he pays!], Kamo-butt’s too busy with his soccer competition, and Changmin… well, I still want to live, thank you! And you once said you’d do anything for me! I cook for you! I clean for you! I wash your clothes for you, no matter how much they stink! I even do your chores around the dorm! I’ve done so much for you and now you’re just going to reject me!? Have a heart!” Jaejoong exclaimed while forcing tears to brim from his eyes and drawing out his lower lip an inch longer.

Yunho ignored the otherwise pathetic display of childish begging. “Hey! It’s not like I didn’t pay you to do those chores or something! Plus, do you even know what you’re asking me!? It’s so… well, GAY! I’d rather jump off the Empire State Building!”

Jaejoong was indignant. “Yah, you’re not the only one throwing yourself into a century’s worth of embarrassment here! It’s already embarrassing enough that I’m asking you!! Do you have to make this more difficult!?”

“Yes! I do! No way am I doing that! No way on earth!” Yunho dropped down to a random seat, massaging his head.

“It’s your sacred duty to help your dearest bestest friend!” Jaejoong exclaimed.

“Then I better find a new best friend…” Yunho muttered.

“Aw, come on! This is the only time I’m asking you for a favor! Please please do it for me!” Jaejoong dragged himself on his knees to get closer to him, puppy eyes turned to the max.

“I told you there is no way in Bambi’s name am I doing it!”

“If you agree, I’ll cook your favorite food every meal for two months, regardless of what Changmin has to say or do to me!” To this, Jaejoong gulped, imagining the youngest dorm mate who strikes terror to the rest of them.

“N—” Yunho stopped short and thought for a moment.”Every meal…? I never did like Changmin’s choice of food, and if I complain he could hurt me… so that would be a good change… Wait, no!” He crossed his arms as he stated proudly, “Hah! I know what you’re doing! You can’t sway me! I can get by for the next four years with ramen!”

Jaejoong sighed. His pleading didn’t work. And his bribing has no effect either. This person is a tough nut to crack. It’s time to resort to his specialty – blackmail. They’re playing his game now… He he he…

“Okay, you leave me no choice! If you don’t do this then I’ll post pictures of you on the internet! Naked!”

Yunho was shocked.”What!? You can’t do that!”

Jaejoong smirked. “You and I both know what I’m capable of…”

Yunho gulped. “You wouldn’t dare…”

Jaejoong sneered. “Oh, yes I would!”

“… W-well” Yunho stuttered. He thought hard, weighing his options. An idea struck him. Alright, he’ll play his game. “Go ahead! It’s still better than what you’re making me do! In fact, that would better for me, too! I’ll have more girls fawning over me once they see how hot my body is!”

A glaring contest ensued.

Jaejoong sighed and let his shoulders droop. Yunho triumphantly smirked, thinking that Jaejoong had finally given up and he had just defeated that blackmailing son of a… a human.

Jaejoong looked up at him, and sighed. It’s time to draw out his secret weapon, one that would surely make Yunho crack. His ominous voice alarmed him, his sinister voice dripping of ice cold evil. “You’re pushing me to do something I wouldn’t like here, Yunho. I didn’t want to do this, but you’re leaving me no options…”

Yunho’s face fell. “W-What do you mean?” Yunho asked, involuntarily shuddering. The atmosphere in the room suddenly dropped to negative 30 degrees, and Yunho could swear that it’s dark aura that’s emanating from Jaejoong’s being.

Jaejoong took out from his pocket an item. He waved it in front of Yunho’s eyes. “Familiar?” he smirked.

Yunho took a sharp intake of breath as fear came over his whole being. “You didn’t…” He narrowed his eyes, making sure it was the same red ribbon he had given her, his precious girl.

When he was sure it was, he again gasped.

“You kidnapped her, didn’t you!? Where is she!? What did you do to her!?” he yelled, pointing an accusing finger towards his evil evil friend.

“I haven’t done anything… yet.”

“NO! Let her go! She has nothing to do with this!”

“Help me first!”

“Never!! Where is she! Give her back!”

“Okay, then. I guess I’m gonna have to make sure she never sees daylight again… See this? I’m gonna make sure she turns black or blue once I’m finished with her…” Jaejoong waved a bottle he had gotten from his pocket, marked with a lousily drawn crossbones at its body.

“NO! Don’t you dare!!!”

“Help me, then!”

“But… but…”

“Nobody knows where she is, except me.” Jaejoong started to speak like a criminal. “Can you handle that Yunho? Can you handle imagining your precious her, alone in a dark, secluded place, full of nothing but cockroaches and rats and slimy other things—”

Yunho shivered in his seat and exploded. “ALRIGHT! Alright, I’ll do it!!”

Jaejoong’s sinister smirk immediately turned bright and cheery, much to Yunho’s dismay.

“AWESOME! You’re the best, Yunnie!” He hugged the taller man and clung to him like a high school girl.

Yunho tried to shove him away. “Get away! You are evil!”

^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V ^_^V

One hour later…

“You think it worked?” Yunho asked as he peeked from outside the bathroom, overlooking the cafeteria where the two of them just made a spectacle of themselves.

Jaejoong, who had been trying to suppress his laugh on the way to the bathroom, exploded in hearty mirth. “HAHAHA! Did you see her face!? It was priceless! Pwahahaha!”

Yunho glared at his friend, but sooner on collapsed to the floor, hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on his knees. “I can’t believe I just did that… I can’t ever show my face in public ever again…” he muttered, stifling a sob of embarrassment.

Jaejoong let out a happy sigh. “Well, it was worth it! She fell for it!”

“Yeah, and so did the whole student body…” Yunho winced as he remembered the disbelief and revulsion etched on the faces of his schoolmates, and much more about the excited faces of his disturbingly sick fan girls.

“Student body?” Jaejoong asked, as he was too caught up in doing his own business that he didn’t pay attention to anything around him. “They saw that? I didn’t notice them there…”

Yunho sank lower to the floor. “You do know we’d have to change schools, don’t you? Or possibly move out to another town? Or maybe migrate to another country… After that scene we just made, we’d be the laughing stock of everybody. And I don’t think we’d be getting proper dates for the next… 50 years…”

Jaejoong didn’t seem to hear him.”Whatever! I’m gonna worry ’bout that later! I’m finally free from that Seul Gi’s clutches!” He snickered. “That oughta keep her away from me forever! No more screeching on my ear, no more stalking wherever I go, no more screaming whenever she sees me! No more glomping, no more stolen kisses, no more disturbing gifts. Gah, do you remember that time when she gave me a dead squirrel for my birthday?” he shuddered at the memory. “A sacrifice of my love!” she says as she shoved the box to Jaejoong, which traumatized the guy so much as soon as he opened it.

“No more nightmares! Sweet suuuuweeeeeet freedom!” He yelled victoriously as he pumped his fist to the air.

“Yah!” Yunho yelled, irritated that his friend was acting that way. “Here I am grieving about my destroyed image and possibly miserable lonely future and you’re there celebrating!? Am I the only one who thinks we’d be affected for life here?”

“Like I said, I’d rather be misunderstood than stand another minute of that creepy girl! I’ve seen things you’ve never seen, felt terror you’ve never felt!” Jaejoong, the drama queen, decided to strike again. “I’ve suffered four long agonizing years in high school! And I’ll never let that creepy witch ruin my life again! Oh, before I forget, here! Catch!” Jaejoong threw Yunho the red ribbon from earlier, and a large, brown item he kept on his bag.

Yunho caught the two items and clutched them tightly. “Whoa! OMGeee! Bambi, baby! Are you alright!?” He cried as he hugged the brown stuffed animal tightly to his chest. “Did the mean mean man hurt you?” He glared at Jaejoong. “Daddy’s here now, daddy’s got you!”He started stroking the soft brown fur of the stuff toy affectionately.

“Sheesh, I wasn’t planning to do anything to your precious stuffed animal, anyway. I just kept it in my room for blackmailing purposes. You act like she’s a girl or something!” Jaejoong took out the ink bottle with the cross bones on its body that he used to threaten his dear friend, and threw away its contents to the sink.

Yunho hugged the stuff toy protectively, eyeing the bottle of ink evilly, and then glared at Jaejoong. “She is a girl! MY girl! My darling daughter!”

“Yeah, your darling daughter that you drool on every night…”

“Shut up, homo!”

“You first, sissy!”

Another glaring competition ensued for a few minutes, before Jaejoong shook his head, lifted his arms and surrendered.

Yunho “Hmph-ed” and returned to tending his precious stuff animal, tying back the red ribbon to its neck, before saying, “You know what? I think I saw BoA watching…”

“I don’t ca—” Jaejoong did a double-take and his face dropped. “Wait… What did you say?”

“BoA was watching. She saw the whole thing.”

“The whole thi— She saw me— a-a-and you— She— Back in the—- the cafeteria in— SHE SAW ME AND YOU KISSING!?!”

“Yup.”

“H-h-h-h-how did she take it!?”

“Pretty shocked and disgusted… like the rest of the school…”

“Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap! Aw, man! And she was finally starting to like me!!” Jaejoong started pacing on the tiled-floor frantically, muttering to himself. “What have I done!?” He turned to Yunho and pointed an accusatory finger. “I told you this was a bad idea!!! Bad bad idea!!! Now she’ll think I’m really homo! Who the heck told you this would work!?”

“Hey, it was YOUR idea, genius!”

“Then why did you agree to it!? Why!?” Jaejoong was on the verge of breaking down. He had a crush on BoA for who knows how long and now he just ruined his chances of getting together with her. Not like he had a chance with her, what with that creepy Seul Gi continuously stalking her and making every girl afraid of approaching him.

“Wait, I can still fix this! I just have to tell her it was a prank! To make her jealous or something!”

“Yeah, make her jealous by kissing another guy in front of the whole school. Remind me to buy a gallon of mouthwash on the way home…” Yunho darkly muttered.

Jaejoong winced. “I have to talk to her! I have to explain! Besides, it was just a peck!” He started for the exit, but stopped short and pulled Yunho with him. “You’re coming with me!”

“Why should I? I have enough to worry about because of you! If it wasn’t for your stupid guilt trips and black mails, I wouldn’t even be your friend!”

“Even without my stupid black mails you’d still love me because I cook for you! Now, up! We have to go to BoA!”

And off they went, Jaejoong dragging Yunho by the wrist, dragging unwanted attention from the people who had witnessed the spectacle they made at the cafeteria earlier.